Finding the Balance between Parenting and Household Management for the Recovering Perfectionist: Random Thoughts & Quotes
“Learn to cherish the “doing” rather than the “getting it done”.
“People before Things”
Make everyday life a participatory family oriented event.
Make breakfast for your family in the mornings.
Read to your kids.
Spend dinner together; eat together as often as possible.
Volunteer in their classrooms. Get to know their teachers and friends.
Help with their homework.
Have kids help with dinner.
Talk to each kid at bedtime. Check in with them and their day.
Find out what your kids interests are.
Dedicate 30 minutes after dinner to family time.
Schedule one Saturday as family day.
Bake cookies with the kids.
Give them your utmost attention when they are talking to you.
Let it go… your home will never be immaculate… just remember a family lives here.
Let the kids help…whatever you are doing.
Let go of the need to have to control everything.
Author Anna Quindlen, “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less” (Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11).
Take advantage of the times they are naturally absorbed in something and try to sneak off and get some things done.
Keep a box of not-seen-very-often toys and get it out when you need time for a phone call or a task.
Progress Not Perfection
The lists shouldn’t rule your life.
Keep a fun box” in our house. Fun Box can have play dough, glow sticks, bubbles, crayons, finger paints - anything novel (and inexpensive) and looks like fun.
Don’t make excuses…just do it.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Workplace vs the Homefront
This thought has taken on a life of it's own.
What if being a stay at home mom was a career (at least more recognized as one than it is...?)
In the workplace I would:
1. Arrive on time each day
2. Take care with regards to clothing and my physical appearance.
3. Be responsible with petty cash and budgeting.
4. Make cost reduction a priority.
5. Monitor activities especially time spent on the computer.
6. Make and keep appointments as well as meet deadlines.
7. Keep workplace and space organized and efficient.
8. Eat at regular, scheduled times.
9. Treat coworkers, boss/partner with respect and consideration.
10. Implement and maintain a routine or schedule.
11. Retire to bed each evening at a decent hour.
12. Participate in monthly performance reviews re: improvement.
13. Attend and participate in continuing education programs.
14. Be punctual and respect other people's time.
15. Maintain a positive, helpful attitude.
16. Provide quality service at all times regardless of how menial.
17. Perform all duties as assigned.
18. Enjoy your time at work!
On the Homefront:
1. Wake up early at a regular time each morning.
2. Avoid the housewife frump look.
3. Be responsible with my money and my budgeting.
4. Find ways to be frugal and thrifty.
5. Stay in balance as a mother as in regard to time. Are you spending more time cleaning your toilets than playing with the kids?
6. Make and keep appointments, especially personal ones such as exercise, or date night with husband.
7. Keep home organized and efficient...this is possible even with kids!
8. Eat healthy meals at regular times.
9. Treat family and children with respect and consideration.
10. Implement and maintain a schedule and routine. What days are errands? Housework?
11. Retire to bed early that you may wake in the morning invigorated! Ready for another day!
12. Evaluate what is and isn't working in your home? Is dinner always late? House a mess?
13. Keep learning whether starting or continuing a degree. Learn about cooking, nutrition, sewing, home budgeting, food preservation, liberal arts, elementary education, child development, etc.
14. Be puntual and respect others time...and hopefully they will do the same. Always give yourself an extra 15 minutes.
15. Maintain a positive, helpful attitude. Being negative will get you no where but down in the dumps. Remember the example you are setting for your children, you are their role model.
16. Save yourself some time and do it right the first time. Take pride in your work.
17. Stick to your schedule and perform any responsibilities you agreed to take on.
18. Enjoy your time at home! The kids will be gone before you know it...
What if being a stay at home mom was a career (at least more recognized as one than it is...?)
In the workplace I would:
1. Arrive on time each day
2. Take care with regards to clothing and my physical appearance.
3. Be responsible with petty cash and budgeting.
4. Make cost reduction a priority.
5. Monitor activities especially time spent on the computer.
6. Make and keep appointments as well as meet deadlines.
7. Keep workplace and space organized and efficient.
8. Eat at regular, scheduled times.
9. Treat coworkers, boss/partner with respect and consideration.
10. Implement and maintain a routine or schedule.
11. Retire to bed each evening at a decent hour.
12. Participate in monthly performance reviews re: improvement.
13. Attend and participate in continuing education programs.
14. Be punctual and respect other people's time.
15. Maintain a positive, helpful attitude.
16. Provide quality service at all times regardless of how menial.
17. Perform all duties as assigned.
18. Enjoy your time at work!
On the Homefront:
1. Wake up early at a regular time each morning.
2. Avoid the housewife frump look.
3. Be responsible with my money and my budgeting.
4. Find ways to be frugal and thrifty.
5. Stay in balance as a mother as in regard to time. Are you spending more time cleaning your toilets than playing with the kids?
6. Make and keep appointments, especially personal ones such as exercise, or date night with husband.
7. Keep home organized and efficient...this is possible even with kids!
8. Eat healthy meals at regular times.
9. Treat family and children with respect and consideration.
10. Implement and maintain a schedule and routine. What days are errands? Housework?
11. Retire to bed early that you may wake in the morning invigorated! Ready for another day!
12. Evaluate what is and isn't working in your home? Is dinner always late? House a mess?
13. Keep learning whether starting or continuing a degree. Learn about cooking, nutrition, sewing, home budgeting, food preservation, liberal arts, elementary education, child development, etc.
14. Be puntual and respect others time...and hopefully they will do the same. Always give yourself an extra 15 minutes.
15. Maintain a positive, helpful attitude. Being negative will get you no where but down in the dumps. Remember the example you are setting for your children, you are their role model.
16. Save yourself some time and do it right the first time. Take pride in your work.
17. Stick to your schedule and perform any responsibilities you agreed to take on.
18. Enjoy your time at home! The kids will be gone before you know it...
Laundry Woes
My kids start doing their own laundry at age 9. They are taught laundry basics including loading and operating washer and dryer. Soap, bounce sheets, stain treatment, etc. Washing colors separate from darks. Warned not to shrink mom or dad's clothes...
Main laundry day for the kids is on Saturday. They are responsible for getting their clothes together and getting a weeks worth of outfits ready for the next week.
Saturday is also the day they are responsible for changing their sheets and towels.
Each kid is assigned a color. Maddie is purple. So her sheets are purple (2 sets each kid), her towels are also purple, (2 per kid). This color also extends into drinking cups to reduce the amount of cups washed daily. As well as school supplies, coats, etc. It is usually the kids favorite color.
Towels and sheets: Put away all beach towels, guest towels, scraps of towels, etc. where the kids aren't likely to go looking for them. This will cut down on the amount of towels you are washing. The same goes for sheets.
At age 11, they are old enough to do their own ironing and convenient if you need something ironed as this is a chore they like to do...and one I do not!
Each kid has a personal laundry basket. They are responsible for getting their dirty clothes to the laundry room during the week. When I happen to do some of their laundry, I return their clothing the way I get it. For example, if the shirt is inside out, it goes back in the laundry basket inside out.
After school, the goal is for each kid to take their laundry baskets back to their room with their clothing, whether I laundered them or not.
Something else that has proven very helpful is to only keep clothes out that match the season. It can be the dead of winter and my youngest child will wear shorts and a t-shirt. Since then, I put up all their winter clothes if it's summer and vice versa. This will reduce the amount of laundry you do daily.
Also try to remember, don't start a load unless you can finish it. Try to do at least one load a day. I have a friend who does all her laundry once a week and she says this works for her...whatever works for you.
Again, just some ideas.
In my laundry room I have four tall standing laundry baskets. Darks, lights, whites and towels & sheets. On a top shelf I have four smaller wicker baskets. Drycleaning, kids matched socks, mom and dad's matched socks, and spare socks. We found it easier to keep the socks where the shoes are instead of their individual drawers. They grab a pair of socks, shoes and they are a go.
Main laundry day for the kids is on Saturday. They are responsible for getting their clothes together and getting a weeks worth of outfits ready for the next week.
Saturday is also the day they are responsible for changing their sheets and towels.
Each kid is assigned a color. Maddie is purple. So her sheets are purple (2 sets each kid), her towels are also purple, (2 per kid). This color also extends into drinking cups to reduce the amount of cups washed daily. As well as school supplies, coats, etc. It is usually the kids favorite color.
Towels and sheets: Put away all beach towels, guest towels, scraps of towels, etc. where the kids aren't likely to go looking for them. This will cut down on the amount of towels you are washing. The same goes for sheets.
At age 11, they are old enough to do their own ironing and convenient if you need something ironed as this is a chore they like to do...and one I do not!
Each kid has a personal laundry basket. They are responsible for getting their dirty clothes to the laundry room during the week. When I happen to do some of their laundry, I return their clothing the way I get it. For example, if the shirt is inside out, it goes back in the laundry basket inside out.
After school, the goal is for each kid to take their laundry baskets back to their room with their clothing, whether I laundered them or not.
Something else that has proven very helpful is to only keep clothes out that match the season. It can be the dead of winter and my youngest child will wear shorts and a t-shirt. Since then, I put up all their winter clothes if it's summer and vice versa. This will reduce the amount of laundry you do daily.
Also try to remember, don't start a load unless you can finish it. Try to do at least one load a day. I have a friend who does all her laundry once a week and she says this works for her...whatever works for you.
Again, just some ideas.
In my laundry room I have four tall standing laundry baskets. Darks, lights, whites and towels & sheets. On a top shelf I have four smaller wicker baskets. Drycleaning, kids matched socks, mom and dad's matched socks, and spare socks. We found it easier to keep the socks where the shoes are instead of their individual drawers. They grab a pair of socks, shoes and they are a go.
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